just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
