he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
