he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
