i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
