3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
