i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
