i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize