Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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