you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
