So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
