come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
