so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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