You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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