but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
