At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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