Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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