I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
