No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
