You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
