I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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