i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
