Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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