Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
