this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
