I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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