My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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