I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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