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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
