haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize