id be glad to
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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