I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
