Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
