She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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