even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
