you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He felt like a one man threesome
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize