Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
