why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
