I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
