I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
