let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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