why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
