This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The air was thick with penises
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
