Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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