So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
