do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
