he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
