First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
