I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
