please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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