Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
