mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
