2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
