Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
