I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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