he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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