Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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