ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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