You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
