drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize