so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
