dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
