Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You've changed since you got that strap on
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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