How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
