Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
