i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
