I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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