he wants to bone in the snuggie
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize