Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
