Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
